Have you ever waited a long time to do something? Maybe put something off that you intended to do ages ago? You’re left with a feeling of loss and less-than, wanting to catch up, and knowing there really isn’t a good way to catch up at all. It all feels just a little overwhelming.
A few weeks ago, we went to the beach with some friends and I got caught in a riptide. I kept trying to swim into shore only to be sucked out farther. I was tired. The waves kept coming and I started to panic. I didn’t think I could make it to shore and I started to visualize myself not making it back to shore. My 14-year-old took one look at me and calmly said “Don’t panic.” WHAT… Don’t panic?! Son, I am past that. I was screaming inside yet I was too panicked to even ask for help. I needed a lifeline. Here I was, surrounded by tons of people, lifeguards just a stone’s throw away, but I couldn’t even ask for help. I felt a heaviness as waves came over me and I was overwhelmed.
Now, needless to say, I am alive….indeed, here I sit, comfortably breathing and writing this blog. Our friends who were with us looked over and saw my distress. They asked if I needed help, they moved toward me, and Jack, my Rescuer and now favorite McGraw :), brought me a boogie board. You better believe that I hopped on and rode those waves into the sandy shore (and then laid splayed out on the beach for a good 20 minutes before I could walk on jelly legs).
It is a terrifying feeling to feel overwhelmed by something. When we first moved here I had all these glorious intentions of writing a weekly or even biweekly blog. I wanted to check in with our supporters all the time to tell them all the beautiful things we were doing and be worthy of their support. And then we moved 14 times in 3 months, we bought a house with holes in it, we started seeing holes in our monthly financial support, and we began working furiously to create a space to call home and to minister in and help pay the bills. We were still working out what our Mission here was and when we weren’t at YWAM working, we were ‘working’ on the house. Getting supplies, getting splinters, getting it done! I look back now and see the last time I posted was back in November. And… I kept meaning to post, every week, but then I just got really overwhelmed by how much life had been lived and not written about. Overwhelmed. Where do I start? What do I say now? Why did we wait so long? Why would anyone want to support us now? Self-doubt kicked in.
I think many of you can probably relate to this. Maybe not to the extreme but we all have areas in life we get too busy for, that we sweep under the rug, that we intend to get to and just don’t. Things that we are overwhelmed by and it’s kinda like being stuck in a riptide, it feels pointless to even try and get to shore. Relationships we need to resolve… work we need to get done… grace we need to extend.
All this to say, we are on mission, but we are human. We may mess up or get overwhelmed along the way but we are so thankful for the Body of Christ! We need you. It’s such a relief when you reach out to us, send us a card or email, pray for us, contribute financially, or when you visit us and help us build our house into a home. A home we can find rest and healing- that we can minister to others in. When you literally ask us if ‘we need help’ and you move toward us and you put us on the boogie board and send us into shore. We need you. We need each other. We were made for community.
I am gonna be real vulnerable here, finances are overwhelming me right now. Would you pray for more monthly financial supporters to come forward and for the strength to finish our home quickly so we can rent it out and help cover our monthly bills? Our savings are reaching the end and we won’t be able to stay afloat and continue to do our ministry here working with YWAM without that. We KNOW God is using us here and is moving on the hearts of our children, our work here is just beginning! We know God is able to do abundantly more than we ask or imagine and we know He will provide in His time.
So be looking for more blog stories, beautiful stories God is unfolding here, where He shows up and makes a way, or holds us close during the pain and hardship… stories God is writing on our hearts that can impact the Nations for Jesus. Let’s get out of the riptide and share what’s really going on, let’s move past our insecurities and failings. Do you feel overwhelmed? Is there something we can pray for or come alongside you for? We would love to wade in those waters with you. Let’s throw on some shorts and suntan lotion and let’s show up with our boogie boards. Love and hugs to all of you. Emily